This was the first time I'd actually heard of someone taking/leading guided meditations to be honest. I had experienced it a couple of times and it wasn't really my cup of tea as I found I had to focus outside and could not actually focus on my breathing properly.
The thing I really wanted to write about today though, is this: she mentioned something that I think allot of people have trouble with and that is that her mind just moves too fast/has too much in it/won't stop. I have been pondering this for a couple of days now and to be honest? I'm still contemplating it! Most people I know, when I tell them I meditate, often come to the topic of their mind and how it just doesn't stop moving. I've often felt the same way about my own mind . I want to start the next section of my blog with a quote from Sogyal Rinpoche and his book titled: 'The Tibetan book of living and dying':
"We are so addicted to looking outside ourselves that we have lost access to our inner being almost completely. We are terrified to look inward, because our culture has given us no idea of what we will find. We may even think that if we do, we will be in danger of madness. This is one of the last and most resourceful ploys of ego to prevent us from discovering our real nature.
So we make our lives so hectic that we eliminate the slightest risk of looking into ourselves. Even the idea of meditation can scare people. When they hear the words egoless or emptiness, they think that experiencing those states will be like being thrown out the door of a spaceship to float forever in a dark, chilling void. Nothing could be further from the truth. But in a world dedicated to distraction, silence and stillness terrify us; we protect ourselves from them with noise and frantic busyness. Looking into the nature of our mind is the last thing we would dare to do."
The reason I like this particular quote is it comes right down into the heart of the problem for allot of people: We make our minds busy and we do this so that we can have a sense of self, a seemingly magical purpose that gives us a reason to live.
I've discovered that I live my life searching for happiness and pleasure. I used to try to find it in the strangest places and yet, when I walked away that feeling I'd worked so long to foster would always escape my grasp and I'd be left back at square one:Unhappy and feeling empty. The emptiness was the thing that scared me the most. I wasn't filled with the same exuberant expansiveness that everyone else seems to experience so there must be something wrong with me and my mind. So, I would make my mind busier. SO busy that I developed worry, anxiety and emotional clingyness. I would cling to people and objects terrified that if I didn't let them fill me with happiness then I would never find the exuberance.
One thing that Buddhism has begun to show me is that the busy search for happiness really, is never ending. It doesn't ever stop. Have you ever noticed how in your mind your working towards something, striving for that one thing that will make you happy? I know I used to . Until I discovered that once I got that one thing? There was always something else to replace it meaning? I was never to feel content with what I had. I had to always strive for the next great thing which meant my mind was constantly on the move. Meditation has helped me to see that by concentrating on my breathing and the flow of breath I can begin to see the true nature of my mind: The coming and going, the flow of thoughts and emotions.
Often we all move so fast so that we keep our mind going. For myself, this is an avoidance technique used to stop myself from going too deep into my thoughts and feelings. These days when I am beginning to feel the familiar pull of anxiety I stop myself and think: What is this? Where has is it come from? Often, when I can name The anxiety it falls away just like everything does. This is the due to the impermanent nature of, well, pretty much everything! When we are born we are not filled with thoughts and emotions but as we begin to learn the societal pulls and desires we begin to rush after all the things society tells us we need: The new cell phone, the big TV, the bestest friends. Why? Because we are told it is the best or the biggest therefore it will make us happy.All the while we push aside this feeling that there is no point to any of it.
Nothing can make us happy. We need to find ourselves first and if we know ourselves perhaps we can begin to discern that the things we are told to strive for, the objects we buy and the people that we cling to are not going to stop our mind from running away. Meditation? Is training for the mind. Its like going to the gym. It helps me to focus, be mindful and to discern. You train your body so why do we not ever get taught to train our minds?
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